22
Love will hope, and hope, and hope, and guide you further
Journal entry: 10/10/2022
“I just browsed through my Instagram feed and saved posts to see how 2022 has went for me so far. & I don’t know of the intensity of emotions that is coursing through my chest and body — elation, happiness, nostalgia, sadness, etc — and how to face it, but I’m just letting it flow through me. It’s true that this year I felt as if I beamed brighter — not for the sake of anybody else, but for myself. The glimmers that I could glimpse momentarily when I was little (& truly I was too little back then…), now, its intensity is constant. & Duh, [the gas tank,] the fuel was always filled! I never let it drain, never let it hit E (& when it did, I didn’t let it stay in that state for weeks to months on end — not like before). Quoting Mark: “…a guy with no dreams…is like a car with no engine”. Instead of thinking of the things around me as stuff to consume, I [had to] think about it as nourishment instead. They had to be digested, instead of just taken at face value. And also, not sabotaging myself from the things that move me. It’s true — I have a lot of 욕심. & There’s nothing wrong with that. Alhamdulillah, I have the abundance of accesses & opportunities to fulfill my hopes & dreams — not just personally, but for my loved ones and my collectives. So what reason do I have to give up? I have to keep internalizing this inside of me: so what if you occasionally fall off? Ask for help, clean your wounds, get up. You know the pattern already. 22 years is simultaneously such a short and long time. But your life is always unfolding in front of you.
This year, you’ve been able to do it.”
with warmth,
Madina (22 years old1)
not until 9 AM-ish this morning tho